I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
