He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just pee around me
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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