Your face is a jimmy john
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
