I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
