did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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