Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
