6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
