if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
