Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize