Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Randomize
