It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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