I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
