I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
