I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
