I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
