it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
