Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
