The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
