Whod you bang
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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