There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
