I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
