I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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