Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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