If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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