Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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