Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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