just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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