I accidentally burped into my bong.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
