There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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