so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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