I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
