If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
