I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
