Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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