we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
