how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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