Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
