I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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