non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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