I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Rumble strips road head = magical
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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