Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
it's like heaven, but drunker
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize