Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
