Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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