At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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