I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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