I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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