a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
