I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
then he tried to convert me to islam
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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