You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
