I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize