does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Randomize
