I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
