We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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