based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
