The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
