its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
