You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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