I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
jump out the window naked night went bad
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
