Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
NoShamevember. You game?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
