he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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