She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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