He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She's the barista slut.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
