It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize