I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
