No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Randomize
