Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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