Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize