Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
