ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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