i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
