he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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