Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
