you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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