you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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