why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I need help removing her.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
