Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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