DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
that's an acceptable place to lick
you have to choose: penises or morals?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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