Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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