I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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