just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
