READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
