I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
