covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
