by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
