An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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