I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize