If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
