Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just want nice things and good sex
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
