This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm sobbing to NWA
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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