i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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