he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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