You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
