Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
