the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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