Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I will be naked everywhere
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
