I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just forgot I was standing up.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
