i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
