I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
