Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
