And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
