I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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