drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
