woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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