highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
