he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
