I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
