I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
