A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
