Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
