So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
